Heart
by YaoiSongstress07
Summary: Axel/Roxas. Roxas reflects on the love he bears for Axel, rekindling precious days in the Organization. If he didn't have a heart, love would not consume his every breath. Nobodies are able to love, too. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE FLUFF.


Note: Luxia is Marluxia's nickname. In this tale, he is paired with Xigbar. Demyx is paired with Zexion.

Card games are mentioned, and played throughout the tale. That's a tribute to the Kingdom Hearts novels, where Luxord enjoys card games.

Strong references to Axel and Saix's past are made.

* * *

_Before you walked into my life, my heart was an empty horizon._

_I was a wind scattered across a silent night, brushing against sleeping wolves and the moon's calm. There was no music for me as I flew amongst the clouds, barely able to breathe. The night's silver orb, and even the diamonds of the sky were silent, leaving me without a friend. My heart was an open book, filled with splatters of empty moonlight._

_And so, before you found me, there wasn't any music inside of me._

_Feet galloped across my open pride, riding across the grounds of love. I could only watch them from afar, envious of the memories they shared. Everyone was born with another half to their heart, but when I came to be, I could only watch as others unearthed their happiness. I was alone, dreaming of a moon I could never reach._

_Before you walked into my life, my heart was an empty horizon._

_But then you came to me, and everything changed._

* * *

They were side by side, sitting at their sanctum. The sky's golden orb smiled upon them, listening to their warm and light chatter. The entire world seemed to be encased in tranquility, for two hearts were overflowing. They seemed to be immersed in perfectly innocent conversation, but each word tied them closer. And together they shared the world's best snack: sea salt ice cream.

"He'll never change. I dunno know why Luxia's so obsessed with the guy."

"Beats me. Maybe he's a masochist. You know how freaky most of the guys are."

"Axel, but if he doesn't cut it out, he'll end up with his head on a silver platter. And it'll come right out of Luxord's cabinet!"

"You mean Xiggy would serve it on some of Lux's fine china? That'll be the day."

They spoke of the silliest things. The most mundane things. But they spoke of things that mattered. Sharing one bar of sea salt ice cream, they spoke of things they cherished. And sometimes, they didn't speak at all. Words weren't always needed in love's shining face.

Golden ages passed before they fell silent again, peering off into the sunset. Marluxia's futile pursuit of Xigbar faded into gentle obscurity, resting on the sidelines with other topics of conversation. Roxas sometimes flashed smiles at Axel, sending the redhead into fits of blushing. After the fifth smile, the Flurry of Dancing Flame saw fit to break their silence. Roxas smiled at him as he spoke, studying the way sunlight wrapped its ribbons around the other's face.

"I...I really like spending time with you."

"I like spending time with you too."

"Really?"

The younger male snatched up the last bit of sea salt ice cream, then grinned.

"Really really."

* * *

_According to our esteemed leader, we're searching for the missing pieces of our hearts._

_We're concentrating on building Kingdom Hearts, so we can finally become whole. Apparently, we're marionettes of those from other worlds. And we aren't supposed to have hearts._

_Everyone keeps spewing that line, but I don't believe it. How am I supposed to, watching the guys day after day? How am I supposed to believe we aren't meant to exist, seeing Marluxia smile at Xigbar? How am I supposed to believe in nothingness, when Demyx's music fills our home with so much light?_

_How am I supposed to feel empty, when I am overflowing because of you?_

_I think someone's theories are a bit muddled, to tell you the truth. Our emotions are just as solid as anyone else's. Saix turns cold shoulders on you, and sees himself impaling me on a pike. Demyx plays every morning, noon and night, believing he's our world's greatest blessing. Luxord laughs after beating Xaldin at card games, Larxene's always laughing-_

_-and every morning, I fall in love with you all over again._

_How am I supposed to believe everything's fake?_

_

* * *

_

"Decided to spice things up today."

"Hey! You went out and got some!"

"Sure did. I won't ever pass up and opportunity to check out ice cream. And today, you and I are being treated to some nice, yummy red ones."

Roxas proudly revealed two red treats, then extended one across the card table. "We're off today, but who says there can't be ice cream?" number XIII asked, beaming. Another slice of eternity was shared as they exchanged smiles. Roxas then took his seat, sitting across from Axel at the table of war.

"Don't inhale it! There's only one, Axel, and I don't want you ending up with a headache!"

"Mmmm. Tastes like strawberries."

"Strawberries? What are those?"

"Things I'd like to slice and drape all over you."

"That doesn't answer my question! If you don't tell me, you'll be stuck with plain ol' ice cream for the rest of your life!"

"If I can get my hands on some strawberries, that won't bother me."

The younger male sighed, folded his arms and sat back in his chair. He studied Axel as he licked the strawberry salt bar, all the while wearing the warmest smile. "There he goes again," he said softly, after a moment of silence. He looked towards the exit of Axel's room, listening to notes that lingered on the cool air.

"You know, he's getting better all the time."

"Might have something to do with you, Roxas," his redhead told him, licking away the last bits of strawberry goodness. "After all, you kept telling Demmie he could play, when nobody else did. And you kinda stopped Zex from ruining his little guitar thing."

"It's nice to have music. I like it."

Neither Axel or Roxas said anything for moments on end, gazing at one another. After spending several ages in Axel's eyes, the younger male bit away at his melting ice cream. "Are we going to practice or not?" he eventually asked, filling the room with hearty chuckles.

"Luxord will beat us if we don't get any practice in. And don't even think of burning the deck."

"Awww. You took all of my fun away!"

* * *

_Luxord did take us on that night. I lost to him, but you won by a hair._

_You still tried to burn the deck, but I stopped you._

_And then, you and I went out again, three days later.

* * *

_

"We made pretty awesome progress today, Roxas. The Moon's Devil should be pretty pleased."

"I'll check in with him."

"And I'll go with you."

"Forget it. Just relax."

Sunshine fluttered across Axel's face, giving it an ethereal glow. "You don't have to worry about me," he said, bowing his head a little. "It'll be fine. Besides, we're a team."

"I know-which is why I'm protecting you. Teammates look out for each other, right?"

They walked on in silence, leaving behind the golden frailty of Twilight Town. Roxas was stern-faced, but Axel kept his head low. The redhead's eyes and cheeks were submerged in scarlet emotion, burning with words to speak-but bearing insufficient strength. "You called me Meg back there," the younger blade-wielder said, breaking their tense silence. Devoid of a recent storm, Roxas held a thousand shades of blue, ceaseless calm.

"How come?"

Axel almost tripped over himself, the poor thing. "No special reason. Just a little name I came up with. You know, looking through Luxia's books 'n stuff."

"Yeah. I remember. He's researching other worlds, right?"

"Yep."

"Don't be afraid. You can tell me about it. If it's my name, I wanna know about it!"

"Meg's short for Nutmeg," the redhead explained, smiling with scarlet cheeks. "It's some sort of spice. A powder you sprinkle on pies and things. Got it memorized?"

Another ephemeral age of silence passed, filled with smiles. Birds soared in the empire above, looking down on two peaceful figures. "So I'm Nutmeg," a beaming, golden Roxas said, gazing off into the horizon.

"I'll have to figure out a name for you."

* * *

_I found one shortly after we arrived home._

_Unfortunately, I also found other things. Demyx wasn't playing in the main hall, as he had done every other night. According to Luxord, he was in his room, bawling his eyes out. And from everything else I heard, I knew he wasn't just crying over one of Larxene's cruel jokes._

_I tried to get to him, but he wouldn't open his door. Zexion wouldn't open his door either. Luxia was staring out of the window, and wouldn't speak to anyone-except Saix._

_I made the mistake of letting you go with me. I should've fought tooth and nail to keep you out of the report, but you insisted on going with me. And on that very night, I knew I had a heart. I knew everything I had heard was a lie. If I didn't have a heart, I couldn't have been consumed by so much hatred. I couldn't have been eaten alive by so much rage and heartache._

_I couldn't have wanted to kill Saix. Not without a heart._

_If there had been no heart, I wouldn't have cared about you or your tears. And I care about both more than I care for the air I breathe._

_We walked away from him in silence. My heart throbbed in my ears, blocking out all else-except the sound of your sniffling. We stopped once we were in the main hall, which was completely empty. Demyx still hadn't picked up his sitar, Luxord wasn't playing any card games, and..._

_Everything was just empty._

_If there was one thing that didn't have a heart, it was our main hall._

_I looked at you and felt my heart break, a thousand times over. Over and over again I felt myself screaming, bleeding at the seams that held me together. I wanted to tear everything apart, burn it and tear my skin off. I hated everything, and I hated how everything had been broken._

_I hated how your heart broke, over and over again. Right before my eyes.

* * *

_

Roxas's hands were balled into the tightest fists. His blue eyes gazed upon Axel, whose back was slumped against the floor-to-ceiling window of the main hall. "There's something I don't get," the younger Organization soldier snarled, eyes glowing with fury.

"Why did he keep calling you Lea?"

"Simple," Axel replied listlessly, eyes cast downward. "It's the name I used to have."

He turned further away from Roxas, clutching an arm as if Saix had wounded it. "We were friends, back in the day," he explained, speaking not only to Roxas but to himself. With every one of Axel's syllables, Roxas bit deeper and deeper into his bottom lip.

"I was Lea. Saix was Isa. We were pals. Partners. That's what he was trying to tell you, Nutmeg. Our little partnership's broken, and he wants to have my insides torn out."

"He can hate me all he wants, but I can't forgive the way he's treating you. There's no way I'll ever let that happen!"

"Roxas-"

"We're supposed to be a team! You two are supposed to be a team! And you haven't done anything to him!"

"Not in his book. And don't forget-you're a problem too."

"So he's jealous, right? He's jealous of me!"

As if an entire world of fate had dawned over him, Roxas took several steps back. Axel made no move to face him, eyes forever glued to the floor-and still clutching his arm. The two of them wandered through silence once again, but it was not the kind of silence they treasured. "I get it now," the younger male said, speaking not only to Axel but to himself-and the rest of their world.

"I see it all clearly now! He's been cranky with you because of me, and what we share! If he thinks I'm going to stand here and apologize for falling in love with you, he's got another think coming! I'm sorry if I got in the way of your partnership, your friendship or whatever it was, but I'm not about to stand here, get on my knees and apologize for my feelings! There's no way! I love you, and what I bear for you is too precious to forfeit! I will not surrender any part of my heart, regardless of what Saix says or does! And if he's got any more problems, he needs to take them up with me!"

Faint applause made its way into the main hall, catching both Roxas and Axel off guard. Not only was Roxas's first declaration of love disorienting, but the response behind his words added sparks to the electric situation. The distant applause quickly became louder, brought into the main hall by a teary-eyed Demyx. Larxene and Xigbar soon followed, but then...so did Xaldin. And Luxord. And Zexion.

Soon, every member of the Organization, save for Saix, was in the main hall. Applauding. Whistling. Cheering.

"All right! Way to go, Roxy! That's tellin' em!"

"Splendid show, young chap. Absolutely splendid. I couldn't have done a better job!"

"Fantastic, Poppet. You took center stage and nailed it! I'm proud!"

Not only did he declare war on Saix, but he voiced his love for Axel-for the very first time, and with three magical words. All in all, the night was a pretty wild night. "That was a pretty rockin' speech," Demmie said, echoing the words of his friends-and obviously in a much better mood. He patted Roxas on the back as he spoke, while Xaldin grinned at a bewildered Axel.

"All in favor of overthrowing Saix, and replacing him with Roxas, say 'aye'!"

"Now wait a minute, Dem-"

"Aye!"

"Waaaaaaaaaait a minute! You all want me to take over Saix's job?"

"Hell yes," Lexaeus replied, raising an affirmative fist into the air. Roxas cast a fretful, wide-eyed look at Axel, then returned his eyes to the audience. "Keep it down, you guys," the youngest member of the Organization snapped frantically, putting a finger to his mouth.

"We can't plot against Saix right here in the castle!"

"Who cares if he hears us? I thought you were ready to kick his heiney anyway."

"Xigbar-"

Grinning, Larxene folded her arms. "He isn't here anyway, honey. He's out on an extra run. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear our plans, though."

"What plans?"

"We plan on emptying his seat and sticking you in it, Roxy," a beaming Demyx declared, patting his friend's back again. Xigbar snickered at Roxas's obvious distress.

"Don't worry about a thing, Poppet. Staging a coup won't be too difficult for you. With your kind of fire, things'll change around here in no time. Whaddya think, Red?"

"I'm all for it."

"Axel!"

Xaldin patted both Roxas and Axel on the back. "Great. We'll hold a conference at daybreak. Saix won't be back for quite some time."

"Awesome! This calls for a celebratory concert!"

"Now will ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?"

"Awww," Luxia cooed, stroking the younger male's head. "That's right. Roxas just declared his undying devotion to our ball of fire. Perhaps we should leave them alone."

"No. Since you're all here, and you pretty much iruined/i the night I had in mind-"

"Who says it has to be ruined?"

"Shut up, Axel!"

"He's right, you know," Luxord put in with a wink. "The two of you can still have passion beyond your wildest dreams."

"Great! I'm game. How about it, Nutmeg?"

The only thing Nutmeg could do was sigh, slumped against the nearest wall. And all around him, chatter continued. Joyous, happy, free, light-hearted chatter continued.

Roxas rolled his eyes.

_If this is what I'm going to have to deal with as commander, I'd rather die.

* * *

_

_Demyx played later on that night, giving us our first midnight concert._

_As it turned out, the guys were just having a bad day. Saix said a lot of things to Demyx, Zexion was his usual sugary self, and that left our bawling sitar player in his room. Xigbar apparently cheated Luxord out of something, Marluxia had lost all hope of ever getting Xigbar to love him-_

_And apparently, my little speech made everyone feel better._

_It's nice to know a heart can hold all kinds of feelings. I was furious with Saix, but thrilled to know I had inspired my friends. I don't know how we're seriously going to stage a coup, but..._

_Everything I said will forever remain in stone._

_I won't apologize for falling in love with you. I won't apologize for the nights we've shared, or our times atop the clock tower. It won't happen. I love you, and that's that. If Saix has a problem with it, he'll deal with me. I'm not letting you feel guilty over your heart._

_Out of everything your precious, beautiful heart can experience, I don't want 'guilt' to be one of them._

_But here's a problem. Thinking about everything you once shared with Saix, I'm starting to feel sad. Not over what my heart holds for you, but over HIS heart. The guys think he's a heartless jack-ass, and I once thought that too, but..._

_Maybe he's just sad._

_I was sad, before you found me._

_I'll have to tell them. I'll let them know I don't want to overthrow Saix. I don't want to hurt him._

_I want to help him instead._

_I understand now. He's only lashing out because of his broken heart. He doesn't mean any harm. He sees us, and how happy we are with each other, but I never see him in the main hall. He's never playing cards with Luxord, he's never around to hear Dem's playing, and he never reads about other worlds with Marluxia._

_No one should be alone. No one should suffer. No one should live without love._

_He's just hurting, and that's why he's hurting us. He's incomplete. That's all it is._

_And I want him to feel the way I feel, whenever I'm with you.

* * *

_

"Hey, Zex. Buried your nose in books, huh? Looks like Luxia's been a bad influence on you."

"I'm just doing a little research," the silver-haired male said, shelving one of his friend's books. "Like I used to, back in the old days. Trying to see if we really do have hearts."

Lexaeus folded his arms, bearing the brightest smile. "Ah. So _Roxas_ has been a bad influence on you?"

Giving the world a rare, brilliant smile, Zexion replied. "Actually, Roxas and Axel are to blame. I'm starting to think everything we've learned thus far is false. Perhaps we do have hearts. How can we not, if we're able to love and smile?"

"I hear ya. Where are those two lovebirds, anyway?"

"Rose and Nutmeg are out on another run," Zexion explained, still bearing a smile. He winked at his bulky friend before returning to Luxia's bookshelf.

"I do believe our esteemed leader is with them, supervising their assignment. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have quite a lot of work to do. Dem wants to take me somewhere, and I'd like to be ready in time."

* * *

Sitting atop the clock tower, Nutmeg and his rose were completing another mission: experimenting with different flavors of sea salt ice cream.

Someone was sitting between them, eating away at his key lime bar. And together they shared the sunset-

The first of many sunsets to come.


End file.
